[This truck is near the LA River but not in it. As you can clearly see. What are you some sort of doofus? But obviously this truck is cool.]
So. There is a river in LA. Did you know?
Ok, so you knew, but did you know that it’s actually not that gross? In fact, it’s pretty spectacular. You could go check out the river up by Griffith Park, but it wouldn’t be much of an adventure. It would just be nice and you could look at birds and wildlife and shit.
No. You want to do something that gives you a thrill.
So go to North Main Street where the bridge runs over the ground level train tracks. On the Northeast side of the bridge you can climb down the side of the bridge. It’s ok to step on that shopping cart. It’s wedged pretty good. It’ll hold your weight.
I’m pretty sure those stains are from the oily algae slime and aren’t poop, but wash your hands when you get home, just in case.
Speaking of oily algae slime, be careful not to step in the stream of water that’s coming from that drain pipe. It’s slippery.
Wear shoes that can get wet and never go barefoot, there’s broken glass around. Some people swim in the river and some people ride surfboards, but usually you will only see one or two other people. They might be smoking pot, which I’m sure they have a prescription for, so who are you to judge them, asshole?
When you’ve had your fill of urban park times (bring a picnic!), you can go under the bridge to the south and find the place where the broken fence drapes over the wall. Climb out there, it’s much easier than touching that weird poop stain on the bridge. Stay off the railroad tracks on your way back to the road.
Look out for monster tumbleweeds. I kept a small one, but I have my eye on the one that’s taller than my waist.
Don’t drown.
